Friday, March 22, 2013

Walking Away

I’d like to veer off on a tangent a bit, and I hope you’ll forgive this indulgence. I guess you could call it a philosophical rumination on the whole subject of jobs, work, careers, and earning a living. It’s going to be long and rambling, so be warned in advance.

What prompted this is an essay Ran posted earlier in the week entitled Why I left news by Allyson Bird. This comes during the same week with the confluence of enough events, that even a skeptic like me has enough faith to sit up and pay attention. I've begun to interpret such things as a message, because everything is ultimately, your own interpretation anyway, so It’s best to pay attention. I don't like to talk about myself much, but I think a lot of people are struggling with these issues right now, so, in the spirit of the above post, I think getting some thoughts out there might help people besides just me.



I read this story of walking away from a profession with great interest not because I am a journalist, but because the issues she raises are so true to my own profession – the endless hours, the toil, the sense that you’re never off the clock, the constant stress levels, the years of sacrifice, the messianic sense of being "called" to something greater than yourself, the abysmal pay relative to education levels, the time taken away from your social life, the toll on one's health, and fundamentally, the extreme disjuncture between the idea of the profession and actual practice. You'll hear about all of this in spades if you've spent any time around the profession of architecture at all.

I would say if anything, these are even more extreme in architecture, perhaps the most extreme in any profession. The architecture students I know are the ultimate idealists –they love buildings and they love the idea of being an architect that they have been sold since childhood, with smart-looking, eager young people pouring over blueprints and building models of the next great museum or skyscraper or convention center that everyone is talking about that's going to transform the community. They invariably enter school with heroic visions of Frank Lloyd Wright and Howard Roarke and Louis Kahn and Corbu and Frank Gehry, visions that schools do little to discourage, and in fact rely on (schools feed on the idealism and naivete of the young like a succubus). They plan on having their "vision" of architectural design "change the world," and spend countless lonely days and sleepless nights making that vision a reality with beautiful presentation boards filled with panels full of meticulously crafted plans, photorealistic renderings, and constructing beautiful (and expensive) basswood models with translucent plastic on all the windows and real LED lights inside. The get indoctrinated by tenured professors into the whole idea of architecture as a "calling" and the need to "sacrifice" to make their visions a reality. They spend massive amounts of their own money, sometimes going deeply into debt, and working for free or sometimes even at a loss just to get experience and a foot in the door. They stay up late nights, neglecting their friends and their health, eating bad food, all just to satisfy that idealism. They spend years in school going into debt, putting off families, moving from place to place, switching jobs, and jumping through hoops all to get that elusive license.

Then reality hits. The reality is that that architecture has always a boom-and-bust profession and during the bust times, massive amounts of architects are laid off, unable to support themselves or their families. Many end up living at home for extended periods of time, sometimes years, assuming they have a home to go to. The reality is that unless you come from a wealthy family and have connections, it is doubtful you will ever be financially able to hang out a shingle or realize whatever "visions" you thought you had in design school. The reality is that it is fiendishly difficult to find a decent job even in flush times and the competition is fierce. The reality is, so many people are in love with the idea of being an architect that they will work for next to nothing, and that is your competition. The reality is that the deadlines are brutal, the liability is high, and the profit margins are slim, and the financial rewards are nonexistent. The reality is that most construction in this country is suburban residential housing, and most of what remains aside from that is utilitarian crud, with only a microscopic percentage of buildings built annually requiring any sort of "design" thought at all. And after years of this, the contrast between the beautiful masterpieces you spent sleepless nights rendering that would transform the urban fabric and the cinderblock monstrosities or corporate frankenstein pastiches that you are now putting together becomes unbearable. After you've drawn yet enough interior bathroom elevations or checked for conflicts between the ceiling hangers and ductwork, you realize that architecture for most people is not what they told you it was.

And then one day you begin to see your friends getting stable jobs, buying homes, having kids, and establishing careers and climbing the ladder with steady raises and promotions and it all becomes too much. At a certain age you realize you've been putting in extreme hours for years and have nearly no money to show for it, no savings of any sort, no retirement plan, and no house; you could face the ax in the next round of layoffs in the next downturn; you're never going to get to design so much as a kitchen; you're never going to be a principal, sit in an office with a door, or meet a client, and you're getting eye strain and carpal tunnel from sitting in front of a computer all day. You realize that average tradesman on the job site makes more than you, has a better benefits package, gets to go home at 4:00 PM every day, and doesn't have to field phone calls at 10:00 at night. And you finally realize architecture school sold you a dream only available to a scant few people who were on that path since before they were born.

To a lot of people who come from comfortable middle-class families with middle-class expectations, this is more than they can bear. They have a peer group, you see, and that is who they judge themselves against. They went into a profession that has a certain image, a certain respectability, and they expected to be treated the same as their high-school and college classmates and family friends who went into more stable professions such as engineering, computer programming, corporate lobbying, and high finance, and here they are earning less than the day-shift manager at the local Speedway. Sure they have the title and the prestige, but it's hard to put money down on real estate or a boat when your job could go away with the next real-estate bubble bursting. You might earn respect when you tell people you are an architect, but that does not pay the bills.

How much can you sacrifice when you have little to begin with? As the joke goes, the way to make million dollars being an architect is to start out working with two million. In the days of Thomas Jefferson, architecture was little more than a rich man's hobby, and we deceive ourselves by not acknowledging how little this has changed, and how much this still defines the DNA of the profession.

So this is the reality, and as I read Ms. Bird's essay, I thought back to the dozens of similar stories I have read over the years with architects instead of reporters as the protagonists, slowly coming to the realization that the profession eats its young, that it's a game for the rich, that it chews you up and spits you out, that it takes more than you have to give and that their love for the profession is largely an unrequited one. They tell of how they've finally found happiness and stability by realizing that the idea of an architect that they held in their heads for so long was just that- an idea, with no semblance to reality, and that once they let go of it the better off they were. That they finally became truly happy by letting go of their dream, and with it the brutal work schedule, the miserable pay and benefits, the poor working conditions, the pervasive uncertainly, and found happiness elsewhere with their families and a modicum of stability and disposable income. That they eventually realized that their career was not who they were, and that there was a life beyond it.

There is, I think, a current of this in nearly all professions today, and I think you could find a similar confession from just about everyone, from IT staff forced to put in useless features and deal with pervasive job outsourcing and H1-B visas, to loan officers who are pressured to make risky loans to people who should not have received them, to marketing people who are pressured to bring in more business every year no matter what the state of the economy, to sleep-deprived doctors and nurses who are forced to see ever more and sicker patients with fewer resources and less reimbursement. Sit down for a beer with any professional in America today, in any industry, and they are liable to tell you just how screwed up their industry and profession are. Because it is pervasive, it is everywhere, it is across the board. Ran also posted a link to another essay about why it sucks to be an opera singer. Yes, apparently even being a star sucks in this day an age for a lot of people.

Those stories about leaving architecture that I am familiar with  appeared mainly on forums over the years that were frequented by architects. Indeed, I'm rather surprised that Googling "why I left architecture" yields no similar confessionals. This can not be that essay, at least not yet, because I am technically still in the game. But I was reminded of all this again by some other events which happened this week.

This week, we had a couple of college students who were given the run of the place to see what being an architect is all about. They spent time with some of my coworkers and friends, but I tend to avoid speaking to students, jaded and bitter as I am, and management is wise enough to keep them away from me. I'm always a bit confused by all these attempts to enourage young people to go into the profession, when there are already not enough jobs to go around, and that is unlikely to change in a period of economic decline. I doubt much encouragment is needed.

I also find it odd that the ones who are usually put out front and center to speak to students are the "winners," those privileged few in the upper echelons who successfully climbed the greasy pole or had the resources and wherewithal to extract exactly what they wanted from the profession. Of course they're going to give a skewered view to impressionable young minds. They're not going to have you speak to those who are burned out or having second thoughts, or those who are not practiced at saying exactly what they are supposed to, although one of my colleagues reported giving them "a dose of reality." Let's hope so.

And I've had many frank conversations over these past few weeks with many coworkers who are as unhappy as I am. I've had conversations with one of my supervisors, the closest person I could come to calling a mentor, saying he just wanted to leave the field after years of excessive hours, stress and lack of vacation. Like many of the most able and talented people where I work, he is not nearly given enough credit for what he does in the ass-kissing, hyper-political corporate environment that we endure. Why are the most talented people always the ones who are most ready to walk away? There are very few  architects I've met over the years who have not expressed at least a tinge of regret at the choices they have made.

And speaking of walking away, I was listening the this week's installment of the C-Realm podcast, which features an interview with Guy McPherson. Some of you may know him from his blog Nature Bats Last. McPherson was a tenured academic with about the best situation you can have here in collapsing America - a tenured professor with a six-figure salary, a stimulating environment surrounded by intellectual people, and a fairly stress-free working schedule (in fact, he said that in the end he was actually paid not to teach because of some of his more radical opinions).

But being that rarity in America, someone who cannot divorce his actions from his words, he walked away to live in a fairly primitive self-built homestead out in the desert. In the interview, he is very frank about wondering if he made the right choice to, as he put it, "walk away from empire," and listed the tolls it had taken on him over the years. You might expect him to say, "I regret nothing," simply to save face if nothing else, yet, once again unable to project appearances in place of reality, he honestly expresses ambiguous confusion and regret over what he has done. Here is someone who actually has done the most extreme thing imaginable, completely dropping out of society, and he lies awake at night wondering whether it was the right choice in the end.

In a world of so many wrong choices, who can be said to have made the right one?

In this world, who can be said to be truly happy?

Is the least worst option the best we can hope for?

And this week as I was getting coffee at the local coffee shop in the morning, the owner was having a conversation with another customer. It turned out that before she was a cafe owner, she was an electrical engineer. "I hated it, I absolutely hated it," she said. She liked being an electrician, but hated being an electrical engineer. She hated being in an office in front of the computer all day, a sentiment I can more than relate to. "I have a service personality," she said. When her kids were grown and off to high school, she quit and went into the coffee shop business (and at the right time it seems, she occupies some expensive real estate). I would imagine most people would think of having an engineering job as a major success (a 'STEM' field after all)! But she hated it. It's good that at least she had enough family support and enough money to start a new business. I know her daughter was laid off recently from a corporate job and was working at the shop (and I last saw her working at the local shop up the street from me). Things change.

I can recall my friend who works in IT and is rewarded substantial pay and luxurious benefits. Years ago, when he was climbing the ladder, he was focused on nothing more than the next promotion, the next pay raise. When I reconnected with him again recently, he was saving all his money so he could retire as early as possible. The corporate environment had taken its toll on him too. He was looking to retirement as his exit, so that he could spend his days doing what he loves, like working in a tropical fish store (he is a tropical fish aficionado), photography or travel. He is married with no children, and his wife has a good job (veterinarian), so he may yet achieve his goal (here is his podcast for the technically inclined)

And I wonder: Is there even a way not to be miserable in your job?

So, when I think of walking away I think on that interview. The host, too, walked away from a job he hated and couldn't stand. Perhaps he has more courage than I, or less tolerance for misery, and is still attempting to put together a financially stable life. But at least he's not alone. When you come from a working class background as I do, with each week's pay check being the only thing between you can homelessness, you see the world through a different lens. I was taught from early childhood that when you got a job, you held onto it for dear life, no matter what. My ancestors were peasants, and poverty is all my family has ever known. I have no family, no money, and so it is much more difficult to "walk away" And walk away to where? As I indicated above, it seems like everything is just as screwed up as everything else.

And that is finally where we came to, my boss and I, and my other coworkers around our desks this afternoon. It's well enough to talk of escape, but to where? My boss spoke of the windowless, cavernous warehouse of our contractor partner that he visited where welders work around the clock fashioning the shop frames to be installed in the field according the designs I myself drew. He recalled his jobs in food service during his younger days, including sorting corn for Del Monte (the poor quality cobs routed into the hopper where they are turned tin cans of creamed corn). "I'm glad I can at least put on normal clothes and work in an office." The least bad option, in the end, is what we are left with in this society. But it's natural to dream of something more.

And I wonder: what kind of world have we created where everyone is miserable?

And finally, I happened across an old bookmark for Charlie Stross' site. I actually had no idea who he was. He's an author, and you can read his biography here. It's always a difficult path to writing it seems, an a circuitous one. Living your own life and going your own way is hard work. I dream, during my days, of supporting myself as a writer, so I never have to come to work in an office again, to never have to deal with the politics, the feeling of inferiority, the feelings of "I just don't feel like dealing with this today." To create when I want to, and to work when I want to. But I guess I can join the club, and it's a big club.

And I imagine writing a fiction book that changes the world, and that dares to ask the question, "what if we all just walked away?" What if all of us just realized that is not what we want, that what we want is something better, and stopped putting our energies into a system that doesn't want us, as at least one commenter to my site suggested. Alone, we face nothing but ostracism and regret, but I believe the time is coming when we do walk away, when the alternative is so much worse that no sane person would choose it, and no amount of drugs will make us choose it. What happens when that day comes, when that critical mass is reached? Is such a thing even possible? Can we imagine it?

And I would like to explore that in fiction, a world not of Orwell or Huxley, not an all-powerful dystopia, but a withering away, a loss of faith, a dissatisfaction with life has on offer "going viral" as they say in the current parlance. A billion Twitter followers of a new savior telling us that it's not worth it, that it's OK to all walk away at the same time, to follow our hearts, to look to our health and find love. To wander through the woods and dig in the fields and feel alive; to feel what your ancestors felt, to think your own thoughts. And when such a day comes, the collapse brings not an apocalypse but the dawning of a new world, the world that, in the words of Charles Eisenstein, we know in our hearts is possible. What if helped each other to do this? It’s hard to face the end of the world alone.

And I wonder: can fiction matter? Can it point the way to reality?

And so I send this out to the universe with no resolution; just a conversation with myself that anyone can read. Why are we all prisoners in an invisible cage? Is there an open door that we just can't see? I struggle with these questions myself, and I wonder what kind of head it's coming to. There's something in the air this week, indeed, and I thought I would share it with all of you. Thanks for reading.

21 comments:

  1. You're breaking my heart!

    If there is no way to not be miserable, then just work to live. Spend any other time you have doing SOMETHING that brings you joy. Or happiness. Or satisfaction, at least....

    I'm trying to cultivate gratefulness in order to lessen my dissatisfaction with my life and to give my soul a little balm. But my real fountain of daily happiness comes from my internal (usually fiction) fantasy life. Is that bad?

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    1. Bad? No, I don't think so.

      Perhaps you can write love letters to people:

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-21900202

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    1. I always have to smack my head when economists talk about how money facilitates things. Try telling that to an architect, or director, or any kind of artist. Money - not anything else- is always the *limiting* factor.

      And this attempt to put a price on all of nature by calling them "ecosystem services" is the most bizzare thing ever. Has it come to this? It is reminiscent of all those scientists who attempted to determine the weight of a human soul.

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  3. I quit my well-paid but incredibly stressful job that I hated one year ago next week. For the past 12 months I have traveled the country and spent extended time exploring Peru, where I learned the basics of permaculture and Spanish.

    Now I'm back in the states, living in my RV and most likely going to attempt a return to the industry I left last year. I am just not going to climb the ladder this time around; I'm more than content to take the less-stressful, lower paid jobs instead.

    Of course whether or not I can get hired is another story.

    Do I regret quitting? No. Not at all. I hated that job and it was making me physically ill. But I have also learned that fantasies about dropping out and living off-grid and studying permaculture for a living are just that, and that without income your quality of life quickly plummets. I wish it weren't so, but alas, at the end of the day it all comes back to fucking money.

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    1. When I did took my Pernaculture Design Certification class it was during the real dark days for contruction. It became a running joke among us that I was hoping to get let go so I could go live on a Permaculture farm in South America. So I can relate. I was not let go.

      But I did get a look at the economics of farming, and it's tough. I'm averse to risk and debt by nature, so I don't think it's for me, at least that aspect of it.

      Good luck in you job search. That's the thing - in the old days, you were sure to find something. Now, employers are purposefully discriminating those who have not been in a job recently, simply because they can. The fear is exactly what employers want.

      Having an RV is pretty cool. Mark Boyle, "The Moneyless Man" lived in camper during his days without money - look up his story if you haven't heard it. Sometimes I harbor a fantasy of buying a VW camper and hitting the road as a mobile podcaster. It would be like the C-Realm, only it could come to you!

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  4. Walk away? Why on Earth would you walk away? To walk away leaves the entire proprietarian-capitalist system intact. What we need is to destroy it.

    Though actually, I've been itching to write something along these lines myself for a while. My problem is that, like most other scifi fans in *ever*, I suck at characters.

    Want to collaborate?

    Actually, for a start, pursue your own thoughts by reading Pratchett and Baxter's "The Long Earth".

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    1. Funny, my IT friend mentioned above is a big Pratchett (and Douglas Adams) fan. I should check him out.

      You've got the idea - most post-apocalytic fiction is about some dramatic major cataclysm and how it transforms society. Something like 'The Road'. But that's not very realistic. In reality, it's often nothing more than people losing faith in the system and walking away. A non-violent revolution, if you will, similar to Eastern Europe. The control structures fail, or people seek a better alternative.

      And here realistic characters become essential - because the inner life of the characters, their transformation and the rationale behind their decisions is the main thrust of the story rather than some sort of outside force. That's what is need to be articulated, because good fiction always articulates the spirit of the age. But it's much harder to do.

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  5. I'm a big Ran Prieur fan and dropped a well paying job to part time 3-day weeks.

    It worked out and my boss was okay with it, but I hated the job even more, despite the long weekends, so I just quit.

    I didn't work for 8 months, and it was an amazing period in my life. Now I'm back at a similar job and it's harder and worse.

    Two things I think are important:

    1. Take long, long breaks from work if you're a decently-paid profressional. Learn to live on ~$15k and save $20k, then quit you job for a year and try to live on $10k.

    2. Remember that sometimes the company/team you're on is the problem. There is someone out there in the same position -- but making more money than me, who is less skilled, and has an easier job. Jump jobs until you find that position. I'm sticking it out at the new, worse job, for a year... then the hunt begins.

    This world is a nightmare. Hunter-gatherers were putting in 4-hour days. What do we have to show for all of this? Is the goal of the human race to reproduce and maintain a stable population at the top of the food chain? If so, what the fuck is this shit?!

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    1. Actually, most jobs are somewhat bearable if you don't have to spend as much time at work. Even the worst job can be endured for a few days a week. And the irony is - there's no real reason we can't have a three day work week. That's why I've been advocating shortening the work week as the only logical and rational solution for the automation and jobs crisis. Why shouldn't we enjoy the benefits of increased productivity and efficiency by working less as had been the case up until the 1980s? Otherwise, what's the point of it all?

      So the irony is, we've never been in a better position to shrink the work week in history, but we're not doing it. Instead we have mass unemployment and rampant overwork side by side. How stupid is that?

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  6. I can imagine it. A bit more every day.

    Please write the book.

    There is a way out. :-)

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  7. mwk's comment above made me think, particularly this statement: "But I have also learned that fantasies about dropping out and living off-grid and studying permaculture for a living are just that, and that without income your quality of life quickly plummets."

    Why would you study permaculture "for a living"? Maybe permaculture isn't "for a living," but actually is your living? That is, it could provide much or most of what you need to survive, and the work would be meaningful. And barter for the stuff you can't provide for yourself or in your community.

    And PukeSkywalker above also dropped out, then went back in, even though it's worse.

    What is it they really need all of this "income" for? Why do they (and myself included), really need so much income in the form of money, rather than income in the form of food you can grow, and items you can make yourself or that your close-knit community members can make?

    I would hazard a guess that neither of them discovered or created a community of like-minded people who can form a large enough nucleus of people to become somewhat independent.

    I would also guess that a fair percentage of people who drop out find that they are psychologically unprepared to deal with giving up the needless luxuries of modern life, such as smartphones, constant Internet access and social media (as opposed to using the local public library), and prepackaged food, etc.

    I no longer believe that "living off the grid" in a small cabin, or on a houseboat, or some other novel method, is really as labor intensive as claimed. Gardening efficiently enough to provide most of your sustenance is possible, especially with modern organic farming methods. It is possible to work a few hours per week, or build stuff, or do a service, to get enough income for the things you can't make yourself.

    The main source of a drain on our income that requires us to work too much is really taxes: the government's demands that you pay them a large percentage of your income to simply live. The only way to get around it is to live so simply that there is nothing left to tax.
    It can be done, if you are willing to give up your addictions to things you don't need, and can find a small group of comrades who have diverse skills. You can't do it alone, and you can't do it if you are not really willing to give up the superfluous.

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    1. Actually, I've designed my life to be able to drop out pretty well. I put my savings into a house, since it wasn't earning any money in the bank. Thanks to this I have a two bedroom house for less than I paid for my tiny 1-bedroom rental flat (note I live in the Rust Belt where houses are cheap. Don't try this in Florida, Arizona or Las Vegas). The only downside is the water bill and repair costs. So I can't put a roof over my head for much cheaper than I already do (although I sometimes wish I had gotten a rental property to bring in some extra income). I've been fixing up stuff now while I have an income so I won't have to worry about future maintenence, especially with an eye to lowering energy bills. Although sometimes when I read Dmitry Orlov I wish I'd gotten a houseboat on Lake Michigan.

      I drive as little as possible. I can walk to literally everything I need. I take the bus to work, and could take it wherever I needed to go. I still own a car, debt-free, although I still have to pay insurance, so my compomise is to try not to use it except for minor occasions on weekends. I bike in the summer, but haven't got the swing of winter biking.

      I wonder about getting a job in my neighborhood bartending or working at a local cafe or bakery. If it works out. Based on previous periods of unemployment and my study of the economy, I realized long ago that no matter your income, it pays to live on as little as possible, or at least have no obligations that take up more than 2/3 you income, which is what unemployment pays out. So many coworkers, their spending rises to the level of their income. I privately fear for them. They just think nothing bad will happen. Maybe their families will take care of them.

      Still, it's pretty lonely. In the Midwest it's all about having children as early as possible, living in the suburbs and rising up the corporate ranks. Money and status are big here. In my hipster neighborhood, there are a few people outside of that, but not many, and unlike New York, there aren't many single people over the age of 22. I've been outcompeted for the tattood hippie chicks by tattood hippie guys with rock bands and art galleries. I guess I don't look the part. Having a supportive partner is huge. I know this, if I had a girlfriend half as attractive as Ms. Bird, I'm sure I'd be a lot happier with life ;)

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    2. Dear Escape:
      Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I wanted to add an even more personal note or reply.
      On Saturday, a friend of ours was over for dinner. Well, a couple of friends. One of them is an architect. I'd say she's about 33... went to Berkeley, I believe. Anyway, she recently quit her day job at an architecture firm. She just hated the work. I think it was primarily residential. She didn't like the corporate/office scene. Somehow, she's suddenly had a lot of work come to her outside of that firm. Half standard architecture/design, the other have art/modelling stuff. She's really into CAD/3D printing/laser-cutting, etc. Here's a project she and her friends did last year. An amazing sauna in a little Airstream trailer!

      So's she's quitting her day job and going out on her own. Another architect told her she's a "hunter" or a "rain-maker." She seems to believe it... that is, she believes she can make things happen, get projects. She is even looking for people to work with. Most of her architect pals are out in Berkeley, though.

      Will it work out for her? Who knows.
      I know it's a long shot, but let me know if you want to communicate with her about collaborating. You are not that far away. She's really cool. Again, I know it's a long shot, but why not meet fellow female architects in your region?

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  8. Publius - I agree. A community is the only way dropping out without money will work. The key factor here is that you have social relationships with people that don't use consumption and money to solve every need. No need to go out to a bar and spend that $30 you could have fed yourself on for a week... no need to live in the rich neighborhoods because your community keeps you safe, even though it's poor..

    For me. I bought back in. I have a partner who will be making a large amount of money for the next 20 years. Though she is not willing to live the lifestyle I want... She's making enough money to make up the difference.

    I'm working this job to save money and pay off her loans, then I'll probably raise some kids for her and go back to work at an easier, lower-paying job that doesn't suck so much of my energy away (following Ran Prieur ideas here).

    If I was on my own, things would be different.

    A think a lot of us are held back for the same reasons: Dropping out also means losing contact with friends, family, and partners-- the world is too disconnected and spread out for us to stay in touch with the people we care about, if we were to drop out. Not to mention the social pressure: the disappointed family, the annoyed friends who can't call because you don't have a cell phone... etc...

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  9. PukeSkywalker:
    I understand. My own partner is not really ready to "drop out." She would certainly move to a rural or backwoods commune, if we still had access to modern healthcare, and she had a sauna, and was not physically uncomfortable. And we do have a child. I think she wants him to have access to the "benefits" of the city. And I have to admit, I like to be able to bring him to the art museums, science museum, etc.

    Puke (it's hard for me to type that name!): consider at least starting to learn good future skills, such as gardening, carpentry, and anything else that helps make you self-sufficient. I would worry, though, if you defer your dreams too long. That is really bad for relationships. You could start to acquire the tools and land, and find the right people, and start building that future way of life. It sounds like your current partner, though, might never be on board with that. You state, "Though she is not willing to live the lifestyle I want." Will you be able to be happy with your life if she never gives your vision a chance?

    For myself, I a creating a plan to head out into some kind of adventure, and it will happen come hell or high water.

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    1. My ideal life is as an "urban drop-out" -- I'm not into homesteading and prefer the city. So: find cheap rent, cook all my food, enjoy the sights and sounds of the city without a car.

      My real goal is to have a content family unit and very educated children. I think we can pull it off with me in a partial stay-at-home-dad capacity.

      Also, I think there is some need to compromise with the partner --- at least to some degree wherein you aren't limiting yourself.

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  10. A few loosely organized comments:
    I think it is useful to recognize that there are no 'solutions' to this problem. There are mitigations. A variety of choices. I am happy that when Ran Prieur updated his 'How to drop out' page, he included the option of not dropping out all the way exactly. It is also good to remember that Ran has an independent income that he can live on so long as he remains frugal.

    I know someone who has dropped out and has been living 'self-sufficiently' for at least 20 years. He lives in town, in a house that he owns, he grows all of his own food and what money he needs comes from the produce that he sells. He does not have a car, electricity, or running water. He cooks and heats his house with a wood stove. Last I heard, he lived on about $2000 a year, and the vast majority of that was spent on property taxes. He buys a new pair of boots every few years. The land he grows his crops on is borrowed from an owner who has an interest in it not being developed. He works very hard during the growing season, and has lots of free time during the winter. He plays music, and is probably the most well-read person I know in the topics that interest him. He lives alone.

    It has been my observation that vast majority of the 'dropping out' constituency is male.

    What I do is a compromise. I have not had a career so much as a succession of jobs. Like nearly all of 'professional' America, I am paid to look at a computer screen for 8 hours a day. I have avoided the career track, so I get paid hourly, and do not work overtime. Like most jobs I have had, the current one is not hard, and does not require 8 hours to get done. I can usually find ways to amuse myself for the duration. My job is only an easy way to get money, and it provides me with enough so I can save some, but not enough to ever have a fully funded retirement. I have gotten pretty good at maximizing my evening and weekend time to do the things that I am actually interested in. I am in my 50's, married, have no debt and no children at home. I am able to own real estate mostly because my parents died before they could spend their estate. In other words, it is complicated, and I can't write a prescription for how anyone else can work out a solution like mine.

    I can say this: my life got a lot easier once I got off the coast and out of a major metropolitan area.

    Also, it is possible to legally not pay any federal income tax, if you meet these 3 criteria:
    -you are married
    -your adjusted gross income is less than $34,500
    -you contribute up to $2500 to a 401k or IRA. The exact amount depends on your income.
    The details are on IRS form 8880

    Cheers,
    Eric

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    1. Great post Eric. Are you working as a Temp? I am a computer drone too... but in a high-stress 50+ hour week sort of capacity. I come home drained.

      Any tips for getting a similar situation?

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    2. Thanks. No, I am a regular full time employee on the lower rungs of the engineering department of a small manufacturing company. I make CAD drawings and fill out bills of materials. It is an activity that can be pleasant, but stops being all that interesting after the first ten times. I have no clue how one goes about getting a job that is easy, stress free and pays a decent amount. I just got lucky, no doubt. I do know that the people you work with make a huge difference. At my last job I was making less money, but the product was quite fascinating to me, so the work itself was enjoyable. But the human environment was terrible - management treated the employees like children, and that's how they acted. Now I am left alone to do as I please, so long as I get my work done, and my coworkers are pleasant even though we don't share much in the way of values.
      I also truly believe that it made a huge difference to move to a small college city in the middle of the continent where I can walk downtown and not be surprised to run into someone I know.

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  11. "It has been my observation that vast majority of the 'dropping out' constituency is male."

    Interesting observation (although in our case it's the other way around - I would like to drop out and my more "realistic" husband always brings up the reality checks).

    It seems that life for women in a lot of agrarian societies was not simple. It's even harder if you don't have a community or family to help you while you are raising kids. Growing your own vegetables is nice, but most women would not want to wash piles of soiled diapers by hand. You'd have to be an amazingly efficient super-woman to help out on the farm, can all the produce, put healthy meals on the table three times a day, educate little ones, sweep the crumbs off the floor of your straw-bale hut, keep everyone in clean clothes (I find it challenging to keep up with laundry in the winter even with a washing machine!)... It can be done, and women have been doing it that way for most of history, BUT it's a full time job, and leaves very little time for getting anything else done. Most women do not want rural homekeeping as their sole life pursuit.

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